It is not a new theory that we are scared of the unknown, and it makes sense that we would be. Think about why kids (and certain adults) are scared of the dark. It’s not because we are worried we are going to trip over something (at least not really); it’s because we make up that there is a monster in the corner, or a murderer lurking outside the door. When faced with an unknown, like darkness, we go to the worst possible scenario in our head and worry about We do this all the time, don’t we? When we are in the dark in a new relationship: “John hasn’t texted me in two days. I have no idea what he’s thinking. It must be because I’m fat and ugly. Maybe I am just unloveable.”
Now we are fixated on being fat, ugly, unloveable. How wonderful is that? We have something besides the darkness to fixate on – and something to FIX, to try to control. Just as the child cries out for mom or dad to save him from the monster, we cry out in our minds for protection from being unloveable. So, we judge ourselves; we criticize the ways that we dress, talk, eat. We think of ways we can “improve” ourselves.
But what happens when we just sit in the dark and breathe? Actually, a beautiful thing really. Our eyes adjust. We start to see things differently. We get more comfortable with the dark and with ourselves. If we can learn to sit with this fear of being alone – to hear that fear reverberate in our heads and understand it instead of fearing it – then maybe we will learn to see things more clearly. I am scared of being alone! Hell yes I am! Maybe that’s not so bad. Maybe if I accept it, talk about, I’ll learn that I’m not the only one in the dark after all.
